Walking through a south London park the other day to show the expensive consequence of eating too many mint humbugs to my dentist only to notice a sign saying not to feed bread to ducks.  Since when has this become a thing and why, after generations of duck-feeding with bread perilously close to after its sell-by date, have the entire duck population, in a dodo-like fashion, not become extinct?

The sign suggested fruit (must ducks now eat five portions of fruit a day? And are they now more susceptible to colds?), birdseed and nuts ( I have found, to my peril, walking through St James’s Park that Canada Geese are quite partial to nuts – I would always wear a reinforced surgical support whenever I went to watch Trooping the Colour).

People will now be taking their children and grandchildren (duck feeding being something you don’t tend to do as a lone adult) to feed the ducks, armed with a basket suitable for a Harvest Festival offering and packets of Trill.

Duck’s not off, love, it’s gluten-free!