It beats holiday snaps, pictures of other people’s children and any unnatural bruising – people telling you about their dreams!
Do people assume you’re perpetually carrying around a copy of Sigmund Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams with you? Ready to pronounce what giant snakes represent, being drowned by someone you don’t like at work or why Pamela Anderson featuring heavily actually means?
Whilst Freud led us to believe what these dreams possibly mean, they are not real life and didn’t happen – it’s like believing Coronation Street is real and wondering why, after Martha Longhurst got killed when the viaduct collapsed, it wasn’t splashed all over the front page of the next day’s Sun.
Anyone saying: “I had this weird dream last night” should immediately be told “never mind that, here are many pictures of my goldfish, may I saw my arm off with a spoon or I’m about to go and watch some paint dry, perhaps tell me there?”
Some people will often say they don’t dream; you do dream, you just don’t remember (thank the Lord) all of them.
However, if you do want to properly dream a dream everyone will want to hear about around the water fountain, a cocktail of Camembert, brown ale and Skittles, all consumed before midnight, should do the trick.
Although, funnily enough, last night, I did dream about Pamela Anderson. Again.