In the Balham ABC, during the ‘60s and ‘70s, the ladies serving the tea – which they poured from a great height above their heads – would slide the mugs across the metal counter; no words would be exchanged. You certainly didn’t say, “this tea has more of a head on it than my mum’s Guinness”.  If you did, you’d find yourself, and your accompanying iced bun, in A&E. 

What the tea ladies never said was “Enjoy!”  Nor did they say it, which seems commonplace in coffee shops nowadays, with incredible menace.

There is clearly no alternative to not enjoying it.   If you don’t, the barista will find you and creep up beside you, as you’re devouring your blueberry muffin.

They will ask, if you had to state your level of enjoyment on a scale of one to ten, it must be eleven. Or else! 

Iced buns were the only pastry option in the ABC on Balham High Road.  There were no croissants as many of the people serving there still had very raw memories of the Hundred Years’ War; the thought of having to speak French was abhorrent.  These were the days before sell-by dates. If you couldn’t eat it, you could use it as a weapon and reenact the Battle of Agincourt on Balham High Street.